So, you teen girls know how embarassing parents can be (as my Niece Jess can attest!), however it's come to something when your parents turn into The Dentons and insist on Nude Day to celebrate your Dad's birthday, and they berate you for not denuding yourself.

 

After all, it's only a nudie poolside BBQ for your dad's birthday, including all their friends and neigbours.

 

So you take yourself off into your bedroom, to avoid seeing everybody's exposed 'Barbarellas" and "Godzillas" that are being invited into your pantyhose (or tights, if your not American. Possibly leggings). Which would probably make you a hermaphrodite. or something.

 

And for that she thanks you very much. Or spanks her furry muff. probably.

 

So you decide to brave the party, but not naked, obvs. The kitchen is filled with grizzled, wrinked, sagging, obese oldies, so you sit on the sofa in the living room with all the hot young kidz.

 

And isn't it just your luck to sit right by the man from the BBC¹ dancing alongside, waving his way below knee-lenth wang about the place and almost whipping your face with it. Yet another oversized weapon of mass distraction!

 

And then there's the cutting of the cake - at least it isn't your birthday, so you don't have to have any, seeing as any "hundreds and thousands" and "chocolate sprinkles" on top are probably moulted pubes, dried arse shit, diseased skin and crabs.

 

And then it's dancing time for everyone, and there's no better way to celebrate than to be accosted by a great fat nudie pædo who presses you into his sweaty moobs.

 

Barbarella? More like fucking Blubberella doing them high kicks. Flash the gash with yer lardy labia. And fat pædo punches to clear a space so you can all adore his Adonis physique.

 

And out by the pool, some poor bloke is grilling his sausage as Marge sits there singing about biting it on the end......before the manly men man up for some manly wrestling...

 

...hold on...

 

 

...didn't Jimmy Savile start out as a professional wrester? Now then, now then, jingle jangle, pearl necklace jewellery. No wonder Margaret didn't want to party in her nuddy suit.

 

And to cap it all, after avoiding a facefull of phallus from the token Person Of Color With Obligatory Massive Cock, someone's semi cock-knocks her Coke out of her hand! And because she's in the middle of a nudie-fest, and doesn't want to go about all underagey undressed, she's now stuck with a damp & sticky gusset. For all the wrong reasons. Probably. or something.

 

And then you're invited back inside, to be compressed against the clammy flesh of the family, as the bespectacled grandparents poke and pinch at you. More worrying is that the baldy bloke looks suspiciously like he would be more at home in a PVC Nazi uniform.

 

And after all that effort they put into pixellation, at 2:40, some brazen trollop is presenting her shaven pussy to the camera. Or it could be a beaver. Heck, it could be anything - it just looks like some hairless hellbeast (immediately followed by a REALLY creepy look from the fat pædo).

 

How come I never get invited to parties like this?