Open Xym is opening up
Pestering Xym... I mean... Frequently Asked Questions!
So, how do you pronounce Xymon?

Strictly speaking, it should be 'ksaimon, but it's probably easier to say Simon. Not (and I repeat, not) Zeemon, Ex Why Man, Salmon or Semen. Yes, one person actually thought it was pronounced Semen.  Most just call me Xym. Or, more accurately, THE Xym.

It's a bloody odd name though - where does it come from?

Inspired by the Fields Of The Nephilim 2005 Album Mourning Sun and the song Xiberia (Seasons In The Ice Cage). I reworked my name to be inkeeping with this. As Carl pronounced Xiberia like Saberia, Ximon would be Samon.

So it's not your real name then?

Yes it is. I've been using it since 2005, as there were 4 other people called Simon Owen, plus a DJ called Simon C. Owen, and people were confusing me with them. In 2010 it was officially changed by Deed Poll.

Here be the most frequently questions asked of The Xym. Use the Contact Xym page to ask me more.


Is that your wife/girlfriend?

No - as at time or writing, The Xym is single.

However, many people get confused about our relationship, and assume I'm married to Jo (on right) or with Lucy (on left).

For clarification - the three of us are family. Them's my Sisters, they are, and we're all very close.

Your sisters? But you have different accents!

Yes. We were separated when born, but thanks to The Jeremy Kyle Show's lie-detecting DNA long-lost family appeal, we found each other.

Or not. But to all intents and purposes, regardless of biological actuality, we are brethren. Closely tied, tight and bonded as siblings. And just coz we're in Norfolk doesn't mean I'm married to my sister(s)!

Why class yourself as a Wordsmith - isn't that just a poncey name for a writer?

Not in The Xym's case - I truly am a wordsmith. Check out my blog - I don't just write, I play and manipulate words for entertainment. Why use one word, when you have a plethora of words at your disposal? I also deliberately mispell, split, join, rephrase words or create new ones.

Can you hear tinkling?

Are you out with Xym of an evening, off for a bit of a boogie? Likelyhood is that you can hear the jingle-jangle of his waist, bedecked as it is with a string of bells. Ring-a-ding-Xym - yet no Morris Dancer he! 

Where can I get a pair of flashing boots like yours?

Well, I don't actually have lighty up boots as such. I have bog standard New Rock boots with some motion sensitive Lace Lights threaded through the laces. They used to sell them in MenKind, but they stopped stocking them, so now I get them online from Cyberdog here as they have all the colors.

How do you get your hair like that?

You'd be surprised how often I get this question, despite it being rather obvious! So, here is how to get your hair like Xym's:

  • Bleached highlights - bleach up the bits I want highlighted

  • Color - apply a dye of the shade required. Sometimes pre-bleaching is required. 

  • Shaved sides and cut-out designs - I have a hairdresser for that! 

  • Mowhawk stylee - Right, this is fairly strightforwardish, more or less...

    • Step 1 - Wash your hair

    • Step 2 - Towel dry

    • Step 3 - Spray Heat Protector and hairspray into your palm, mix, and massage into hair before combing through.

    • Step 4 - Starting at the nape of the neck, segment the hair, and for each section either run straighteners over it, or use crimpers. Work your way up through the hair until you reach the final bit o'er your forehead. Tip: If you plan on strenuous dancing, occassionally add hairpray to the segments - this makes it stiffer.

    • Step 6 - Comb through your hair to separate the strands and build volume. If you used crimpers, backcomb for fuller volume

    • Step 7 - Your hair should be pretty much mohicanised now - but to set it in place, use a hairdryer on mid-strength. Use it to blow your hair into a vertical arc and squirt hairpray into the airflow. The air creates the mohican naturally, and adding the spay into the airstream distributes it evenly and sets the sides in place.

    • Step 8 - Ensure the centre is all vertical, and give it a final once over with hairspray. And you're done.

  • Flock Of Seagulls stylee - The '80s night special! Identical to the Mohawk, except you leave the centre all combed forward. 

What's with the wriggling flickering fingers?

TBH, I can't remember exactly how this came about, but it's all to do with Rik Mayall in Bottom and it was in an-joke that got out of hand, and is now expected. Basically, it's comedy perving. Much like Vic Reeves leg rubbing, if you see an attractive Pretty, you let your fingers do the talking, and wriggle them in their general direction, often following them as they pass by. It's also a 'secret signal' to indicate your interest in someone to your mates - you see someone you like, a quick flash of the fingers, a raised eyebrow and a sly smile, and your mates know you've seen someone you like...

As I say, it's more of an in-joke between me & Kelly.

Who's this Harem of yours I keep hearing about?

The Harem began when I went on holiday with my GF and 3 other friends. All female. Hence "Xym was on holiday with his harem". That harem has expanded considerably since, and generally means Xym's circle of female friends, but has been split into a triplicity of interlocking components:

  • Female friends

  • Pretties that "Xym has a thing for"

  • Pretties that "allegedly have a thing for Xym"

Who is in which group depends on who you speak to. There was a Facebook header of some of my harem, but then Pretties complained that they weren't on it, or demanded other Evil Bitches be removed, and caused me no-end of hassle. 

So, Xym, what's some of your favourite things?


Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

The Call of Cthulhu



John Carpenter's Hallowe'en



The Nightmare Before Christmas




Babylon 5

Black Books

Blake's 7






Sapphire & Steel

Takeshi's Castle

Twin Peaks

The Tripods

The Water Margin




Babes In Toyland

Dr & The Medics

Fields of the Nephilim / Nefilim / Fields of the Nephilim AD

Human League

March Violets

Pop Will Eat Itself


Siouxsie & The Banshees


We've Got A FUZZBOX And We're Gonna Use It



Neil Gaiman

HP Lovecraft

Brian Lumley

Garth Nix

Robert Rankin