Coffee milk steamer, why are we always tuna or later...

Origin & Inspiration

21 March 2015

I was in Starbucks, but the Pervuvian blended coffee tasted rank. Then my tuna panini had become a lemon chicken panini as someone had thieved off with mine! Then Gio's coffee had to be redone as the freshly ground beans tasted really bitter, like ashes.

Then Chlöe came up as I was eating a Xymnamn swirl, and Comments Were Made. Then Sophie came up and Further Comments were made.

The impetus was my bad batch of beans in the blender comment, then Gio's panini palava comments, then, as blender and palava sounded xymilar, the first word I thought of was slather. We were disgusting xymnanom rolls when Chlöe came up with someone else's panini... and Sopie rhymes with Chlöe... and they are my top two Sexiest Starbucks Serving Sirens. Barrista babes both...

...oh, I'm in so much trouble if they ever see this...

...but they never will, so mwah ha ha ha!!!

Title comes from Richard O'Brien's sequel to The Rocky Horror Picture Show, the oft-forgotten Shock Treatment. It's a riff[-Raff!] on the track Bitchin' In The kitchen, referencing the Starbucks coffee maker, and the tuna panini (which is actually called Tuna Or Later)

Coffee milk steamer, why are we always tuna or later

A bad batch of beans in the blender!

A purloined panini palava!

I'd rather have Chlöe

All nudie with Sophie

In cinnamon swirl frosting a-slather!

"Eww! A poem we don't need to see

of twisted Starbucks siren fantasies!

What if they read this

And get really pissed

And think that your mind is diseased!"

Ha! As if anyone reads this shite

I can perv o'er who I like!

With no repercussions

or awkward discussions

the worse they can say's "Take a hike!"

"...or have you roughed up

till blood you cough up.

And though they be stunners

they'll soon become shunners

And your orders for lattés rebuffed!"

Shit, I reckon I'd better not mention

The list of babes for whom I've affection

Like ----- and ---

------ and ---¹

In case I get unwanted attention such as a damn good kicking, a public shaming, extreme embarrassment and having to hide in social exclusion forevermore. or something.

¹ NOW, THE QUESTION IS... WHO ARE THESE FOUR! IS THERE JUST FOUR, OR WHOLE LOT MORE? COULD IT BE JUST ONE WITH THREE ADDED TO THROW YOU OFF THE PHEREMONAL SCENT? DOES THE NUMBER OF HYPHENS MATCH THE NUMBER OF LETTERS OF THEIR NAME? OOOOOH, INTRIGUE! IT COULD BE YOU... UNLESS YOU'RE A BLOKE, IN WHICH CASE, IT'S DEFINATELY NOT YOU.