I thrust aside the sarcophagus lid. Hooking a stray hair over one ear, I lean over to examine the figure within. Biting my lip, I translated the hieroglyphics carved within.

 

"Im... Ho..."

 

I'm a ho? Oh my! I blushed as the words rose, unbidden from some secret well of darkness within. What made me think THAT? I've never had thoughts like that before when unearthing ancient tombs! Concentrate, Evie, You have a job to do!

 

"Im... Ho... Tep! The tomb of Imhotep!"

 

My fingers brush the bandaged chest - an electric tingle runs through my fingers and exploded somewhere deep inside my unexplored self! Oh my! What IS this feeling?

 

I put it aside - this is a dead pharaoh I'm looking at! I can't get turned on by that!

 

I gaze at the golden deathmask. I gasp - he is beautiful! Surely it must be stylised - no-one who ever existed could be THAT perfect! Oh my! My Inner Ra shines within, and demands I strip and straddle him like Nut across the Sky!

 

Oh my! What am I thinking! This is wrong - it can't be!

 

I turn away, blushing furiously as I hook a stray lock of hair over one ear. Behind me, I hear a whisper of a susurration echoing in my tympanic membrane. I turn, and THE MUMMY IS STOOD BEFORE ME!

 

I bite my lip as I take in the hunky, muscled frame. Oh my! Even swaddled in bandages, his muscley frame is so hot! And that golden face! My legs turn to jelly - how can I feel this way about a thousand year old.... mummy?

 

Behind the mask, a honey'd voice booms "Ankhsunamun?"

 

Oh, he can wank on my moon anytime! Oh my! I blush as the heat of my Inner Sun God Ra ignites a spark in my unexplored darkness deep in my damp well of holies. What am I thinking? I have a reanimatory resurrection and all I can think about is his erection! Oh my!

 

I try to speak... but no words will come. I walk towards him... and fall flat on my face. Now he'll think I'm stupid!

 

Gently, he helps me to my feet - I'm in his arms and I want him so bad! Oh my! What's happening to me?

 

His bandaged hand reaches my face and strokes my crimson cheeks. His thumb slides over my lip and I tremble and quiver at his touch - make no mistake, right now I want his pharaonic phallus deep inside me! Oh my!

 

The golden mask gazes at my flat chest "Ah, Never Titty" he chuckles. Oh my! Ignoring the continuity error of an ancient Adonis foregoing ancient Egyptian for a modern English linguistical turn of phrase, he's making puns about my lack of cleavage and egyptian queen Nefertiti! I glance, blushing, at his lower regions - oh my! He's so BIG! His mummified membrum virile is bursting the bandages!

 

Rising like a Titan from his tannin shroud, his mammoth manhood stood proud before me! Before ME! A virgin who never in her dreams thought she would ever be presented with a leathery length whilst tomb raiding!

 

If I had a nurses outfit, I could wrap him in nice, clean bandages! WHAT AM I THINKING! I have a nudie pharaoh before me, and there's me in my tight Lara Croft shorts and skimpy top!

 

Suddenly, he grasps me and spins me around - he likes to be dominant! I feel his powdery fingers graze the small of my back as he grips the back of my shorts, and I realise I haven't said Oh My! in the last couple of paragraphs. With a single tear he rips off my shorts - Oh my!

 

Waves of pleasure engulf me, as I feel the musty air breezing over my bare glutious maxumus. I'm about to be taken from behind - this will be like making love to Anubis the Jackal! I can't believe I'm finally going to have my Bastet broken in. Oh my!

 

With a whisper, my silky, skimpy, blue laced expensive lingerie is peeled away. Somewhere inside, I feel a dam burst. A waterfall flows between my legs - can this really be happening to ME? Clumsy, plain, shy Evie - about to be pleasured by an Egyptian god of manhood?

 

I bite my lip as he pulls back a stand of my hair, and tucks it over one ear, as I feel his impressive head nudge against my womanly entrance! Please, please, give it to me now! I can't bear the tension - oh my! I feel him slide into me, and I instantly explode in a million pieces somewhere deep in my feminine regionalities.

 

Slowly, he eases in and out, like waves lapping at the shore of my labial ingress, and further waves of ecstacy engulf me as I feel my hips involuntarily reacting and moving with him. Again, the crest of a tsunami rises waves of orgasmic indulgence within some dark unexplored place deep inside me, and I find myself soaring out of my body and through the chambers of the great Pyramid. My soul ejaculates into the heavens, my Inner Ra becoming one with Thoth, Set, and diverse other beastialies of sex god. Like a perfect paradisial elysian afterlife, I explode into a million pieces before collapsing back onto the sarcophagus, exhausted.

 

Oh my.